Twin Loss: A Nightmare Come True

As twins, our biggest fear is to lose our other half. When I received the news that my identical twin sister, Sara, had been in a car accident and was gone, I went numb. I didn’t know what to do with the information. It was completely surreal. Dealing with it seemed impossible. How could this be? Who am I now? Everyone thought I was so strong because I wasn’t crying my eyes out. The trauma of it made me shut down emotionally. A super active social life and alcohol usage became the immediate norm. Trying to navigate this loss with the rest of my family was confusing and daunting. Most people didn’t know how to be around me. My universe was turned upside down. I learned quickly how fast our society expects you to bounce back after a loss. For 20 years I spiraled. I suffered from depression and anxiety. My relationships and career suffered. I felt extremely lonely all the time and longed to fill the void of my twin’s absence. My identity as a twin was now gone and I had to learn how to be a singleton. My way of coping with alcohol and other distractions led me to a very dark place. I was also not honoring Sara. We had once made the promise to each other that if either one of us died, the other would do whatever we could to live a great life. I did not hold up my end of the bargain. In February of 2021, I decided to start dealing with my unresolved grief. First and foremost, I quit drinking and never looked back. I found different methods of healing. Therapy, neurofeedback, ayahuasca, yoga, extreme self-care, just to name a few. Although my healing journey is far from over, I have found myself in a place of peace and acceptance. As I researched twin grief and loss, I discovered just how little support there is out there for twins, which surprised me. Twins struggle with a number of issues, including loss of identity, extreme loneliness, survivor’s guilt and complex family problems. They suddenly have to reconcile themselves to a world that doesn’t understand what they are going through. Twinless Twins International and the Lone Twin Network are the main resources, and thank goodness for them, because twinless twins would not have had any support over the past few decades without them. With this discovery, I am making it my mission to find all the best ways to support any twin experiencing loss through coaching and guidance. Every challenge that twins who have lost their twin faces is very unique and difficult to navigate. I send my love to all the twins in world. For those dealing with loss, I am holding you in my heart.